The Evil Meeting
By Sanoon

Chapter 1: Evil Meeting

Located in his evil rocket lair, Dr. Evil sat around an unusually large table in his comfy rotary chair. He looked around the table at the people he had gathered. To his left, there was a man wearing a clear helmet, and a strange apron-like cloak. His partner, who had spiked orange hair and was wearing a lab coat and holding a vial of some sort of liquid, was sitting next to him. To his right, was a tall orange alien wearing a sweatband around his neck and covered in strange spikes. The creature next to him, a slightly taller green creature also covered in spikes, was wearing a sweatband proper. On the far end of the table, sitting on a booster seat, was a small green “boy”. Next to him, was an even smaller robot, which was currently screaming his head off about something.

“Gentleman, welcome to-” Dr. Evil started to say while lifting his pinky up to his mouth.

“Where am I!?” Zim shouted, causing everyone in the room to look at him.

“Gentleman, welcome to my-” Dr. Evil started again before he was once again by a familiar voice.

“Where am I!?” Zim shouted.

“Ge-”

“Where am I!?”

“Can I frickin’ say what I was tryin’ to frickin’ say?” Dr. Evil announced angrily to the person at the opposite end of the table.

“Continue,” Zim said quickly and quietly, yet still loud enough to be heard in this uselessly large room.

“Thank you,” Dr. Evil muttered. “As I was saying; Gentleman, welcome to my-” Again Dr. Evil was interrupted, but not by Zim, but his robot.

“This place is huge!” Gir shouted as he jumped onto the table.

There was an awkward silence as everyone stared at the robot on the table. After he shouted out his message, the robot began break dancing on the table. This silence was eventually ended by Oglethorpe. “Did you guys check out zhat buffet table over zhere? It’s pretty good.”

“I had some of that taco mix,” Emory said calmly.

“Tacos!” Gir shouted, jumping off the table and running towards the buffet table that was along the wall behind Oglethorpe and Emory.

“I had some of zhat red liquid paste,” Oglethorpe replied as if Gir didn’t jump off the table screaming as loud as he could. “It tasted good on my pallet.”

“It’s freaking ketchup,” Dr. Evil said to the Oglethorpe. “And that buffet isn’t free. It costs five dollars. Did you pay?”

“Vell hell no,” was Oglethorpe’s quick reply. “Vee don’t have any money.”

“Take some of mine!” Dr. Weird shouted as he threw a ball of crumpled 20’s at Oglethorpe.

“Ugh, Dr. Weird,” Steve mumbled.

“What!” Dr. Weird shouted as a reply.

“Wasn’t some of that money for your genetic DVD research?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Oh, ugh,” Dr. Weird mumbled as a look of confusion drew upon his face. “Of course not. It was for a new garage door!” Dr. Weird shouted, raising his fist into the air.

“O…kay,” Dr. Evil mumbled slowly. “Lets take a moment to get to know everyone. I’ll go first. I’m Dr. Evil, and this is my clone, Mimi-Me.” Mimi-Me waved at the people at the table.

“I’m Em-“

“Emory!” Oglethorpe shouted at Emory. “I go first! I am zeh leader!” With that, he turned to face the front of the table. “I am Oglethorpe, and zhis is Emory. Vee are Plutonians.”

“Well that’s good,” Dr. Evil replied. “What’s your profession?”

“Profession?” Oglethorpe questioned. “Vhat is zhis ‘profession’ you speak of?”

“It’s your frickin’ job, okay!” Dr. Evil shouted at him. “Honestly, I’m surrounded by frickin’ morons here.” Dr. Evil felt a tug on his sleeve, and looked over to see Mimi-Me staring at him. “Not you Mimi-Me.” Mimi-Me smiled and nodded his head, content with Dr. Evil’s comment.

“Oh, that. Vell, vee do lots of things…like conquering zeh world!” Oglethorpe shouted, and then started to laugh evilly, echoing in the large room.

“I’m Dr. Weird, and this is Steve.” Dr. Weird said calmly, interrupting Oglethopre’s maniacal laughing.

“How are you guys?” Steve greeted.

“I run a laboratory on the South Jersey shore,” Dr. Weird announced.

“An evil laboratory?” Dr. Evil asked.

“He’s more insane than evil,” Steve admitted.

“Next idiot please,” Dr. Evil said.

“I AM ZIM!” The little green boy shouted.

“And what do you do?” Dr. Evil asked.

“He’s a fry cook!” Gir shouted with food in his mouth as he ran back from the buffet table.

“Invader!” Zim shouted.

“Is he going to pay for that?” Dr. Evil asked, pointing at the robot.

“GIR!” Zim shouted. “We’re not wasting human Earth monies on this horrible dirt food.

“Mo-ney,” Dr. Evil corrected. “It’s singular, not plural.” Dr. Evil waited a few seconds as he gathered his thoughts before continuing. “Alright, does anyone have any ideas about destroying the Earth?”

After a few minutes of silence, someone finally said something. “I have a plan!” Dr. Weird shouted to the room.

“Well finally,” Dr. Evil said angrily. “Someone is using their frickin’ brains.”

“Shove that prime rib from the free buffet up my ass-”

“It’s not free!” Dr. Evil shouted angrily.

“-I will then fart as hard as I can. Then, the gasses that have been built up inside of me will have no choice but to erupt from my eye sockets, propelling me all the way to the moon!”

“We’re orbiting the fricking moon!” Dr. Evil shouted.

“Well then, I don’t have to go very far , do I!?” Dr. Weird shouted.

“Ya know what?” Dr. Evil said in an annoyed tone. “I’m going to stop asking you guys what you think, and just tell you my evil plan.” Dr. Evil turned his chair around, and pressed a button on the chair’s arm pad, causing the screen behind him to display a picture of the moon. “I plan on having a team of evil scientist put a pair of “thrusters” on the moon. I will then use these “thrusters” to drive the moon into the Earth, destroying the planet.”

“I already tried that,” Zim said from the far end of the table. “But it was Mars instead of the moon.”

“Did you have a team of evil scientists when you tried your plan?” Dr. Evil quickly asked the little Irken.